Hello! My name is Dennis Muri. I am a Psychotherapist, Licensed Clinical Social Worker, and Licensed Addiction Counselor. I provide individual, couples, and family therapy. Safe Harbor Therapeutic Services LLC is my private practice in Billings, Montana. I am also a partner of Northwest Counseling Center. Why “Safe Harbor” as a business name in landlocked Billings? Well, safety is the foundation of healthy and happy people. When we get caught in the storms of life, we need a safe place to relax, learn, practice, and apply healthier tactics and strategies to win against hopelessness!!! Did I mention I’ve competed in sailboats for 34 years? I sincerely feel honored when allowed to help others navigate to a safer place in their life’s voyage. Together we can find a Safe Harbor from life’s storms and a new compass heading for your life.
Please, give me a call at (406) 696-2246 or google Dennis Muri or Safe Harbor Therapeutic Services LLC.
This website has recently been moved from another host and will most likely be in constant evolution.
Concepts That Guide My Practice
Therapy Guidelines:
- Feelings are not “Right” or “Wrong” and they often change with new information. Naming/identifying feelings provides information necessary for making informed choices. Emotional choices made without identifying emotions often leads to chaos.
- Typical adults are ultimately responsible for their own feelings and choice.
- If I desire others to listen, I need to avoid using “Always, Never, and Every________,” as well as any other “absolutes.” These words usually make me immediately wrong at some level, and encourage others to stop listening and start identifying how I am wrong. They also encourage my listener to raise their defenses and close their ears.
- We typically see what we look for and hear what we listen for. Some call this “Confirmation Bias.” Opening our eyes, ears, and minds to other possibilities can breed hope.
Trust: I believe trust is the cornerstone to the foundation of all relationships; the one I have with myself, others, and any higher power I might have. Its oil to the engine of relationships. Trust = Accountability and Dependability. Accountability is willingly developing an informed, achievable, healthy plan with enough detail that follow-through is obvious. Dependability is consistently following through with accountability. Note: Too much unearned trust in a relationship creates an environment designed for failure. Unwillingness to trust stops the process of building trust. The best scenario is to start with a little trust and look for accountability. If its there, then give a little more trust. Then repeat the process until dependability is established. Hard-earned trust is more meaningful and thus more durable and urgent to maintain.
Peace: Trusting self to learn from painful life events and apply that learning without allowing those events to define me in a negative way.
Forgiveness: A willingness to re-engage in a trust-building process (see above). Safety is very important to consider before engaging.
Control = Responsibility: This suggests that things work best when one’s perceived level of control is consistent with their perceived level of responsibility. When unbalanced, dysfunction grows.
Identity vs. Image: Identity is who I believe I am. Image is who others believe I am. How I view, and whether I trust, myself is more important than how others view me and whether they trust me. If my choices are consistent with my values and who I want to be, I will have higher self-esteem, trust myself more, and value me over what others think. Others will notice this in me and will have a better image of me. If others perceive that I value their image of me more than I value my own, they will lose respect for me.
Proactive vs. Reactive/Pursuant vs. Avoidant: Proactive is initiating what I would like to see happen. Reactive is waiting for someone/something to start a process, and then I react. If I trust and love myself, I am more willing and able to take responsibility for my choices and initiate what I would like to see happen. Taking responsibility (see above) and initiating typically gives me more control over a given situation. When I wait and react to others, I place more responsibility on them and give part of my power to them.
Opportunity Costs: Given limited time, energy, and resources; every opportunity one takes costs them many (arguably infinite) other opportunities. This requires that we prioritize. This also necessitates that we grieve the loss of the other opportunities. Some are grieved more easily than others.
Grief: Loss of Opportunities.
Stress: The gap between one’s perceived expectations and one’s perceived ability to achieve given limited time, energy, and other resources; e.g. money, mobility, transportation, support from others, mental and physical abilities, emotional stability and security, etc.
Confronting Conflicts and Stress Graph: The following graphs are something I put together from my work with trauma and addiction. Take a look and read the text. Hopefully this will encourage you to trust yourself enough to stop running from what is not overwhelming, and start having compassion and understanding for yourself if you are overwhelmed. I find that knowing (and naming) whether I am or not overwhelmed can be a filter that informs my choices. If you find that these graphs confuse you, please send me a note on the “contact us” page and I will try to clarify.
